Sometimes it’s in the literal sense, like this bonsai plant that I first received as a housewarming gift:
It doesn’t really have more leaves than it did from before, but over a year later, it still has leaves. Which in my book actually is growth, considering that I kill every plant that I touch. In fact, I was convinced that this plant was FAKE for the first six months that it resided in the house. It wasn’t until I noticed a leaf was turning brown that I asked Scott about it and realized he’d been watering the damn thing without my knowledge.
Point is, it’s still alive. Which may not be the same thing as thriving, but not killing a plant for seven or eight months is actually quite a streak for me. Even when it’s small, it’s really nice to see that the things I used to be really terrible at don’t have to stay that way.
Which brings me to this:
You see, I really suck at public speaking. I’m taking a communications class in my first semester of grad school, and I have so much anxiety about standing in front of a crowd that my hands shake and my lower lip quivers like I’m about to cry. It is such a bizarre part of my personality that I don’t quite understand. I am quite comfortable with being a dork. I don’t care if I’m singing to the radio in traffic and strangers can see me. I think the last time I blushed, I was in high school. But put me in front of more than ten pairs of eyes in an auditorium, and I can’t seem to find a shred of confidence.
With the new video camera, I figure I can kill two birds with one stone: work on my inexplicable fear and benefit the blog at the same time. By videotaping several tutorials, I can offer something new to the UDH and get more comfortable with general presentation. Whaddya think? Couldn’t hurt, right?
Sure, videos aren’t the same thing as a live presentation in front of a crowd, but it’s a step in the right direction. And let’s face it; a crowd doesn’t get much bigger than the internet! Bonus: I’d be too embarrassed to put myself in front of the camera without running a comb through my hair, so I’m sort of keeping my New Years resolution at the same time.
And if after all this, I still suck? Blame the plant. Can’t go wrong with that kind of logic.