I’ve gotten busier, learned to manage my time differently, adjusted my budget, and changed so very many aspects of what I’ve been working on in the last year that it’s nearly impossible to re-imagine how different things were a year (or more) ago. A year seems like such a short time – and yet it also feels much, much longer. And I haven’t really had time (or chosen to have the time) to reflect on all of it until now.
When I went to the Haven blog conference, I realized I’d been putting my life on the internet day after day and yet still hadn’t felt like I was really connecting with others the way some of the more successful bloggers seemed to be. And it didn’t take long to realize why: I share plenty about my personality (I think my writing style does a little of that for me), plenty about Charlie, and especially about my home. But my personal life? My love life? I’ve only really mentioned how I don’t have time for it because of all of the other things.
When I wrote up the post yesterday about reusing an old t-shirt that is obviously not my own, I had a difficult time with it. Mentioning my ex seemed weird. Not because there are any painful memories associated with our breakup (quite the opposite, actually), but because I felt like I was doing something unusual. By omitting my ex from most of my posts since he moved out, I felt like I’d made it the elephant in the room when I finally did. What the heck was I so shy about? I still had a year and a half of posts where I mention Scott’s name in nearly every one of them, and then I simply stop a year ago, and I was feeling awkward (though awkwardness is kind of synonymous with me). It is entirely possible that I’m imagining all of this, but as the writer trying to imagine what her readers are thinking (doesn’t every good writer try to do that?), I couldn’t help but think, this is what I’d be curious about.
Even when I began writing this post (with its many revisions, of course), I had to ask myself just what in the heck I’m really getting at. I’ve already made an attempt to become more present on the blog with posts that aren’t DIY-related, such as the Dirty Girl Mud Run and my experience at Warrior Dash with my sister Emily. But I had to sort of have an inner dialogue with myself: I have an ex-boyfriend that I did DIY projects with and feel weird about ever mentioning that on the site now.
So, there it is, and there is where I start. I’ve realized that I need to share more about myself as a whole (or at the very least, do it regularly enough that I don’t squirm at the idea of sharing it). Even as nonexistent as my love life is (seriously, haven’t been on a date since Scott and I broke up, which is over a year ago), the truth is that the “single” part of being a DIYer is very much a part of my story. It makes a huge difference in the projects I take on, the determination I have to do them, and the timeline that I work around. It makes little sense to not acknowledge that when I’m in the middle of a project that is built around both the limitations and freedoms caused by DIYing as a single homeowner.
All of this isn’t to say that I’m suddenly going to go Carrie Bradshaw on you all. There isn’t much to say other than I’m not currently dating (don’t take that as a sworn off context, I just haven’t had much of an opportunity to socialize with strangers and my life isn’t an Ashton Kutcher movie). And the things I do around the house are often hilarious when you have to learn to do things without a second set of hands (or a second wallet). I guess I just finally feel like showing you that I still have a life when I wash the paint out of my hair. So, once again, I’m setting a goal for myself to show even more me on this blog than I have, and work on getting comfortable with it. I even did my first video for the site, which I’ll share next week! You might know how much of a milestone that is for me (public speaking – gulp!). Here’s to working outside of my comfort zone, right?