Next Chapter

I’ve been trying really hard to think of a proper intro (and title, full paragraphs, ending, etc) to this post, but I can’t.  I’ve had months to write it, and yet anything I start typing in this space feels awkward and forced.  I write a few sentences, change my mind, and find myself staring at a blinking cursor.  So I’ll cut to the chase:  if pictures are worth a thousand words, I’ll let them do (some of) the talking for me.
This is an empty guest bedroom.  Because everything that was in there belonged to Scott.

This is the living room, missing a noncliner and TV.

What you’re seeing here is simply this:  Scott moved out.
We often begin chapters in our lives with the expectation that our plans will all be exactly as we imagined.  But sometimes even the best of intentions don’t prepare us for everything.  Plans evolve on their own; the things we thought we wanted aren’t what we want anymore, or we begin to see things in a different light.

I guess what I’m saying is that this is what happened to Scott and I.  As clichéd as it sounds, we grew apart as two individuals rather than together as a couple.  And while it is painful to experience, there is no bad guy here.

Which can actually make things harder.

To be fair to Scott, I think it would be in poor taste to rehash and pick apart the details of our relationship (and it’s end) to live forever on the web.  Not only would it be private information shared indiscriminately for all to see, but since this is my blog, the story would only be from one side.

Instead, I can only share how I feel, which is difficult to pinpoint because my feelings are constantly changing.

Sometimes I’m sad, even though I know it’s for the best.
Sometimes I feel really frustrated.
Sometimes I feel thankful of the wonderful friends who have shown support (on both sides) and I’m hopeful about starting a new chapter.

It would be nice if I could take all the unpleasantness and immediately put it behind me like a bad paint color:  one afternoon, and it’s gone, with no more thought to what was.  But that would be pretty disrespectful to a relationship that lasted nearly four years, wouldn’t it?

As for the details on where everyone goes after this:
Scott has moved in with a friend of ours, and he’s taking Colby with him (rightfully so, since he’s Scott’s dog).
We remain friends, and I’ll still get to spend time with Colby when I feel like covering the house in dog hair again.  Which actually might be quite often, since I can’t seem to resist his face!

As for the house, I own it solo, so there are no messy (or time-consuming) finances to figure out.  And with Scott clearing out the guest bedroom completely, I have an entirely new room to furnish, design, and decorate.  If there is a silver lining in all of this, it’s that I can easily find a project to keep my mind occupied.  Definitely cathartic.

As for the blog, you may see a few (or maybe, a lot) of changes around the look, layout, and of course, my About Me section.  I think I’ll even start this blog fresh tomorrow with a post so you can really get to know me.

So, as a friend of mine would say, that’s the what’s what.  I’m very thankful for all of the wonderful experiences that Scott and I shared.  Despite that it’s ended, I’m still glad that we were together.

I’ll open this post up for anyone who is wondering about anything I forgot to address.

I can’t guarantee I’ll answer them.

But you are free to ask.

Comments

  1. says

    Sweetie Im so sorry…..I know that this is for the best but that doesnt take away from the fact that its hard. So, so, so hard. And brave of you for putting it out here. Justin and I hit a weird patch about a year back and I can remember all of the horrible mixed feelings one goes through as a realationship comes near the end. If you need anyone to talk to at all, please feel free to email me!

  2. says

    I've been there and done that. Now I am married to the best guy in the world and still wouldn't change the hard times in the past. It's oh so hard and awkward at times, but it will get easier someday. Good luck to you and have fun decorating that room!

  3. says

    Oh Sarah. I know we don't know each other personally, and I basically just read you and glee to myself all the time, but I really feel for you. Not to mention the break-up itself (which is always harder when no one did anything wrong), but the removal of so many things that made your house your home. I hope you do find catharsis in finding new items to fill those holes. I'm sure you always hear that cliche about “time healing all wounds”, but it is true and this will all get easier. I'm glad to hear you're already so mature about the situation.and looking forward to brighter futures. Chin up girlie! And I'm so happy to hear that you'll still be trucking a long with the home. i can't wait to see the changes!

  4. says

    I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this, but I'm glad that you (and Scott, too, hopefully) ended things on a good note and are looking on the bright side of things. As much as it sucks now, one day you'll look back and appreciate the relationship for everything it taught you. Keep your chin up and have faith – things have a way of working out, even when you least expect them to.

    ~Chelsea

  5. says

    This won't help at all, but I was engaged before I met Sam, and I thought the world had ended when we split up and I moved solo to Florida. Sometimes things aren't right, and sometimes you just need breathing space. You're both still lovely people. We don't need details; just know you have an audience seated in total empathy.

  6. says

    I'm coming out of lurkdom to tell you I'm sorry you had to go through this. It sounds like you're a very strong person though. You'll get through this in time and be in a better place emotionally. Best wishes on your new chapter.

  7. says

    Just wanted to send you a virtual hug. I found your blog whilst trying to make the house that I had shared with my partner of 16 years seem more like mine after he moved out. It's a hard time but it does get easier. And as the cliche goes, the best times are yet to come! Take care of yourself, and please keep inspiring us all!

  8. Susan Detzel says

    Just wanted to send you a virtual hug. (2)
    Positive energy from Brazil!!! Better chapters are on the way!!!

  9. says

    “We often begin chapters in our lives with the expectation that our plans will all be exactly as we imagined.”

    Amen, sister. I absolutely feel this post and I hope the blog-awkwardness doesn't last long. There is something to be said for new beginnings, isn't there?

  10. says

    I'm sorry you're going through this. I can imagine how difficult it would be to write a post about it. You've got a great head on your shoulders though and I have no doubt you'll make the best of this next chapter.

  11. says

    Sarah, I'm so sorry to hear this! My heart is so sad for you and Scott both. I'm glad that you two will remain friends though and that this is a mutual decision that is best for both of you. You are definitely in my thoughts today. Huge hugs from the Hepworth House.

    {{HUGS}}

    Allison

  12. says

    Dear Sarah,
    I'm so sorry for you. My lovely daughter your age recently broke off a six-year relationship, and it was hard on everyone, even her siblings. Nonetheless, life goes on, hearts mend, people grow wiser, and if you stay open and teachable and hopeful, love and opportunity and happier times will come your way. I wish I could give you a hug thru the laptop. A faithful reader of yours,
    Juli

  13. says

    I am such a strong believer in “everything happens for a reason. And when one door closes another one opens.” I'm thinking about you and hoping that Mr. Right comes through that door sooner rather than later. Hang in there. And maybe get busy on that house some more to keep your mind busy ;-)

    Brittany (aka Pretty Handy Girl)

  14. says

    Sorry to hear of the broken relationship but you stay strong, dear! Glad that it wasn't a nasty split.

    You could always rent out that extra room and make some extra money or lower the out-of-pocket expense of your mortgage. : )

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