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Dear friends: BIG EFFING NEWS.
It’s (almost) Friday, which means it’s a day to talk about personal things (I don’t know why I picked this particular day of the week, but it seems to fit). So let’s talk about ripping the band-aid off. Figuratively speaking, of course. I may share a few injuries here and there on Instagram sometimes (like last month, when Charlie ran around my ankle and gave me the absolute worst leash burn I’ve ever had), but actual band-aids are almost always gross. So, no. I’m talking about making decisions.
Taking the plunge. Pulling the trigger. Going for it. Not looking back.
Except that I have a blog with thousands of photos in it, and I can look back at a time when I hadn’t done the thing I had been trying to decide on, and can then totally regret doing it. But I doubt it.
Maybe it’s because from the beginning of this kitchen reno, nothing has really gone exactly to plan. Maybe it’s just that I was eventually going to run into this kind of feeling, and the kitchen just happens to be the room in which I’ve been experiencing it. But in the course of my renovation, this kitchen has made me the most indecisive I’ve ever been. Ceramic tiles or glass? Extend the tile to the doorways, or not? Edge the tile, or not edge the tile? Built-in bar area next to the large pantry, or leave the closet intact? Mixed metals on the door knobs, or match them to the cabinet hardware? Thinset or a tile mat? Beer or wine?
Kidding about that last one. I always choose beer.
Anyway, most of the time, these indecisive moments are fleeting & then pass. But, perhaps, I just knew, somewhere in my gut, that something bigger was coming (remember my whole post after graduate school graduation about mentally preparing yourself for big changes?). And I was left feeling anxiety over the not-knowing what else would be in the future. So I kept waffling over things that are normally not an issue for me to decide.
Great… now I’m craving waffles.
Point is, when you’re not looking, life just suddenly changes course in a way where words fly through your brain and clatter to the floor. Loudly.
The short version? You ready for this?
I got a job offer. And it’s not here in Atlanta. And I decided to take it. Which means I’m moving.
Nope, it’s not April Fool’s Day (close, and that also happens to be my blogiversary, but there’s a reason I’m not posting this next Tuesday). I really am moving. As in, saying goodbye to my little Ugg-Duck. A house that I’ve lived with for four years, but haven’t really gotten a chance to live in quite yet. Selling it and her memories (though that’s the benefit of having my blog along for the ride, my own little keepsake). Possibly renting a new house in my new “home town” to get acquainted before buying another fixer-upper. And starting this little DIY adventure all over again. Further away from my handy Dad and helpful Mom, who made a lot of things on this blog possible so far. So taking a new, big step on that and seeing if I know how to do even more of it on my own than before.
So, that means a few things:
- I’m keeping the blog. Even if turning my life upside down means a little less frequency in posting while I manage to chase down all of my lost marbles, I’m still planning on keeping you guys updated on the whole process (because without the blog, this job would never have even happened;; I’ll have to write a completely separate post with more details on the whole play-by-play, just as soon as I can stop writing in circles).
- I’m still in a little bit of shock at how quickly things developed. It sort of popped up out of nowhere and I’m struggling to make sense of everything and put chronological order to what needs to happen next (so that I don’t go completely nuts… or maybe I am already there and just trying to find my way back!).
- The house isn’t at all ready to sell (AT ALL. AT ALL. AT ALL. Even if I wanted to rent it out, which I don’t (I just don’t want to do that unless I’d absolutely have to), it means hiring help to finish it. Which is a first for me basically. A whole little mini-adventure in the middle of chaos.
- I’ll be working from home for a bit during the interim. Which is also a totally new experience for me. But who knows? Maybe that will help speed the whole getting-the-house-ready thing along.
- Lots of absent-mindedly staring and blinking. Making the ultimate to-do list of all to-do lists. (Ann Marie’s #40bagsin40days challenge doesn’t quite cover the level of purging required, but hey, at least I know what I’m going to do for Lent).
- Probably shedding a tear or two. This is a good change (and something I’ve been basically working toward for several years), but one that still feels like the floor just gave way. Let’s hope that doesn’t happen literally before the closing date.
Also? Holy shit. Gulp. What? All of those things. I get it. I’m thinking it too. Not wanting to leave you hanging on just that alone, but I considered keeping things mum until I’d had it all figured out (in the way I’ve seen lots of bloggers do). I get why they do it: it’s unsettling not to have things wrapped up in a bow. To have an announcement like “I got a job offer, so I’m moving, and here’s the house I’m buying!” is just sooo much more comforting.
But that day could be months away, and I really don’t see a logical way of keeping silent for that long while I make these adjustments to the new job (I’m not actually taking a break in between; just quitting the job I have now & starting the other one remotely for however long the move process is going to take). So I figured I’d try something different. Even if that means revealing how topsy-turvy things get in between. The mixed bag of emotion that comes with it. Life does that. And imperfect timings are always a thing.
And in the long run, maybe it will be better to be able to show the whole process along the way instead of hiding it? <———– (Yep, question mark on the end of that sentence… I really don’t know the answer.)
So, my thoughts are a bit all over the place, but the mixed feelings I’m experiencing are real. So I can at least lean on that. I don’t feel ready to say goodbye to my little house. But it was never my forever home, and I’ve never been a person who is all that averse to change. And I haven’t even gotten into how exciting all of this is going to be. So I’m going for it. Not looking back.
Okay… maybe just a little.