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Spoiler alert: This post is QUITE long — as in, grab-yourself-some-coffee-and-settle-in, long. There are also an unusual number of movie references in this post. It just sort of happened. Also, taking pictures in a dark, hot attic isn’t that convenient to do, so my apologies ahead of time for some of the lousy flash photography (or just plain missing photography) throughout. I think the story is funny though, so I hope it’s worth the read!

This, my friends, is how I got rid of attic squirrels.

It all started with scratching. For those who haven’t yet experienced the sound of animals invading your attic, let me assure you: you’re not going to be confused about what’s happening. The scratching will be loud, it will be at inconvenient times of day, and you will hear them scampering across your ceiling. Luckily for me, the squirrel who decided to take up residence at the UDH did so directly over my master bedroom, so I couldn’t not hear it the minute the bushy-tailed rat found its way in. Asshole score: 3.

squirrels are assholes

Also, let me assure you of another fact: squirrels are assholes (I tell ya, The Emporer’s New Groove understood this principal to perfection). Throughout this experience, my patience grew thin enough to peel the sanity back a little from my brain. I wanted to avoid killing the squirrel (or as I found out, squirrels, plural) as much as I could because I’m not a monster, but I also didn’t want to have to spend hundreds of dollars on hiring a professional to trap it. Factor in a growling, curious dog who isn’t keen on hearing animals in the home, and you’ve got a recipe for one insanely annoyed homeowner in record time.

Round 1

I was sitting in bed one night when I heard the telltale signs of something moving around in my attic. There was a gnawing sound, a scampering sound, and rustling. Clearly, something had made a hole and was deciding to move into my attic. A few days later, I spotted the culprit simply hanging out of the louvered gable vent. Like it was on vacation. It looked right at me, and I could have sworn I saw a smug smile on its dumb little face. Asshole score: 4.

get rid of attic squirrels

I quickly consulted my dad about the situation, who brought over a trap on his next visit and taught me how to set it. The general plan was:

  1. Trap the bushy-tailed bastard
  2. Short of that, wait for it to leave the attic for food (which happens daily) and close off its access point
  3. Make sure any and all potential access points were sealed with thick-gauged metal mesh
  4. Profit?

We hypothesized a few spots for the trap, but as each day continued with more gnawing and scratching directly above my head as I was sleeping, I’ll admit that I felt a sense of urgency to get it out ASAP. So, I went up to my attic to investigate. I also went out and purchased some metal hardware cloth (you can find this in the landscape area in most home improvement stores) and a handheld staple gun with a front-facing trigger (most have the part you squeeze on the opposite end of where the staple comes out; this one seemed to offer better control in a tight space by letting be push down directly over the staple area). I have an electric-powered stapler already, but I figured something cordless would be a lot more convenient in an attic space for this project.

get rid of attic squirrels

With a few snips from a jewelry cutter and wire stripper multi-tool (I don’t actually have tin snips, so I got a little creative), I had a rectangular piece of mesh that I could easily transport. I hadn’t yet seen what size I might need to cover the opening around the vent, but I figured an oversized pre-cut piece could still work and be a lot easier to handle than dragging up the entire roll and trying to cut in place (plus, if I needed a new piece, I had plenty of material to try again).

how to get rid of attic squirrels

With the stapler and mesh in hand, I crawled up into my attic and began looking around. Other than switching out air filters, most of my previous attic projects had all been done on various other ends of the house, with plenty of free access to get to the area in question. This, as it turns out, was different. Over my master bedroom, there’s a gabled dormer area, which up until this project, I hadn’t really noticed was harder to access than the rest. Flashlight in hand, I realized that this wasn’t going to be a quick in-and-out thing.

how to get rid of attic squirrels
Good luck with that.

Yeah… I know what you’re thinking. That little area looks like it’s made entirely of nope, with maybe a little bit of fear and stale air thrown in for good measure. It is, and I’m just hypothesizing here, probably the place that the horrifying ghost kids from The Grudge sleep in between terrifying Sarah Michelle Gellar and playing bedsheet peek-a-boo. And this is where the family of squirrels decided to squat, rent-free. Asshole score: 7.

I waited until a point of the day where I thought I heard the squirrel leave, then crawled up and took a look around. Not only would I need to crawl through that, but I’d also have to make sure I only placed my body weight on the attic joists to prevent from falling through the ceiling drywall below (which as Chevy Chase has shown us at the 33-second mark, doesn’t work out so well).

I tried in vain to find another, bigger access point, but it was of no use. So, I had to creep over to this spot, compact myself down, straddling the attic joists with my knees (ouch) until I could curl my back Hindu pushup-style under the upper section of plywood and through the hole. Kind of like Catherine Zeta-Jones in Entrapment, but with a lot less spandex and grace. Thank God for yoga. And baseball caps to protect my head from freaking out over spider webs brushing into my hair (shudder).

how to get rid of attic squirrels

During this first little exercise, I climbed up there with full intentions of inspecting the area, stapling on the metal screen, and calling it a day. The hardware cloth had already been cut, the staple gun was ready, and all of my plans were going to work out perfectly, right? I spotted the nest that the squirrel had been making and inspected it from a few feet away, careful not to just lumber over in case something was inside of it.

Something was. Even though the mama squirrel was out for the afternoon, I could clearly see, at a minimum, there was at least one baby sleeping in the nest. Damn. This confirmed that I wasn’t just dealing with a single squirrel and getting it out before it had babies. Defeated for the day (because climbing up there twice was not happening), I slid back through the opening and climbed back down from the attic.

Round 2

I tried a few more times to capture the mama squirrel with the trap, but each time, it found a way to take the food and leave the trap unaffected in any other way. And even if I had caught the mama, how was I going to subsequently catch the baby (or however many there were)? I was getting frustrated. Maybe an odor of some kind would make them leave? I’d read mixed reviews of “squirrel repellent” sprays online, which were basically a mix of peppery spices and rancid odors that squirrels are rumored to hate. I say “rumored” because some people think these sprays don’t work worth a damn, but I was willing to try it if it meant a non-lethal way to get them out. I found a bottle of spray at my nearest home store on clearance and put it up in the attic for the next episode.

A couple of days later, I waited to hear the mama leave again and climbed back up. This shit was getting old. I grabbed my supplies again along with a small plastic bowl of a few ammonia-soaked t-shirt rags. I had been doing some online research about what odors get them out, and this was one of the suggestions, so I figured I’d try it (note: the smell of pure ammonia is not something you want to breathe in, so be very cautious when handling it! I kept the rags in a plastic container until I distributed them in the area.). I crawled through the narrow opening again, and instead of finding the attic empty, I quickly spotted the babies hanging out in one corner. They were awake this time, cowering away from me as I made my presence known. To my surprise, they weren’t in that hairless newborn stage; instead, they looked like they were many weeks old already, nearly fully-grown juveniles. Perhaps the mama had her babies elsewhere and began looking for a safer nest when she found my attic?

I took this as good news; I’d been reading online how difficult it would be to get a mama to leave her nest right when the babies were born, but at later stages as the babies (called “kittens”) got old enough to be on their own, it would be easier to give them the boot. As these thoughts were coming into my head, I heard more scratching in a different corner. I turned my flashlight back toward the opening of the vent to find a much larger version staring menacingly at me. The mama squirrel had been there the whole time!

She made a few quick, darting movements toward her babies, careful to look as rage-y and dangerous as possible in front of her unknown invader. I know squirrels are much smaller than me, but in this situation? I was certainly not willing to stick around. Asshole score: 4.

I quickly sprayed the area with the squirrel repellent spray in front of me and tossed around the rags. In my awkward, cramped position, I knew that if it came anywhere near me, I wasn’t going to be able to retreat fast enough and might very well get my ass handed to me by a rodent trying to protect her babies. I pounded the bottom of the heavy spray bottle against one of the attic joists to sound big and loud as I climbed back out (I read they have pretty good eyesight, so I’m pretty sure the same tactics you use with a bear in the woods is probably the wrong call for a squirrel, but I was willing to do whatever it took to keep that squirrel frozen in fear). Then, of course, I waited.

The next day, I climbed up and checked again (the ammonia smell dissipates quickly, so it’s important to act ASAP). No mama! No babies! I could finally close off the hole in the gable vent! With lots of staples to hold the hardware cloth in place, I knew that I’d have some exterior repair to address, but at least there was no way anything was going to get in or out of this hole anytime soon.

how to get rid of attic squirrels

Round 3

Did you catch that? In or out? Yeah. The very next day, I heard familiar sounds of the mama trying to leave the attic. What I thought had been a successful eviction was a simple change of address. The mama made a new nest — in my chimney!

I also heard her discovery of the new mesh screen, and for sure, that mesh was not budging. Yaaaaaayyyy…. eh. Well, at least I knew it worked? This time, she picked the very corner of the dormer (where there was a small peek of light shining through) and worked at it until she escaped. I was going to have to try again, and now needed to take care of two areas: one, the new nest (which was not in the dormer area and easier to reach); and two, close off the new hole once I got them out. But how? I went back to the online forums and found one last non-lethal suggestion that people insisted they had good results from: bug bombs.

As it turns out, occasionally setting off one of these foggers in the attic (as part of home maintenance) had a few perks. It takes care of a large variety of pests, makes it uncomfortable for creatures like squirrels (it’s not a recommended use for them, but I have a habit of using things despite their intended purpose), and to my surprise, evicts the pests that creatures tend to bring in, like fleas. Apparently, squirrels have a bad habit of infesting their surrounding nest areas with fleas, and even though Charlie gets treated every month to keep them away, eliminating a waiting infestation sounded like a win-win to me.

I picked out this one since it seemed the least likely to blow my house up in the process (I didn’t have to turn off my pilot lights or worry about the gas). I also sealed off the air conditioning vents and turned off the A/C before setting up the canister, closing off the attic area as much as possible. Charlie and I went to hang out with my parents for the day, and I came home to a quiet house. I chose to wait a couple of days to see if there were any new sounds coming from above before climbing back up and sealing off the remaining hole.

I briefly considered that the bug bomb might kill the squirrels rather than cause them to leave, which left me with a few days of worrying about a dead squirrel scavenger hunt in the attic (I definitely didn’t want them dying somewhere inside my drywall and dealing with that problem). A few days later, relief: I heard the mama squirrel once more. Only this time, she was trying to find a new way in the attic rather than out!

Hooray, it worked!! I assumed that once I got them out, that would kind of be the end of it. A little repair work, but no more stressing out. But nooooooope.

Round 4

I had no idea what squirrels sounded like when they’re telling you to eff the eff off. Apparently, it sounds like this:

Now that the squirrel was out of the attic, she was trying to find a way back in, baby in tow (not sure if she had it clutched in her mouth or simply clinging to her). I was pretty annoyed once more, seeing as how she was now picking yet another place along my roof line to destroy (which I’m reminded, I just paid to have repaired), so I chucked a few pine cones in her direction to get her to leave it alone. She then repeated this several more times over the next few hours that morning, each time driving Charlie over the edge (and me with it). She also took turns to sit on my roof and angrily chirp at me, clearly very annoyed at my nerve to boot her from my house.

how to get rid of attic squirrels

Asshole score: motherf*cking 11.

Round 5

At this point, I was done. The next day and two more days after that, it was the same thing. Sometimes she came with one of the babies, and sometimes she didn’t. I think there was a sense of urgency because there was a new hawk predator thing flying around, but the result was the same. Scratching… damage… pine cones… loud chirps… standoff and retreat. One final day, I think we’d both decided we’d had enough. It was going to be the LAST day. She started the morning out with the usual gnawing and noise, but in between her attempts, decided to drop her baby (for safekeeping?) down to hang out at the very base of my chimney.

how to get rid of attic squirrels

Seeing my opportunity, I went back into the house and grabbed a shoebox. I then scooped up the baby using the lid to encourage it in, covered the box with the lid, and marched the box into the back yard, away from the house.

Yep. I committed a squirrel-napping. Sure enough, the mama followed me allllll the way out to the yard as I went, carefully observing where I left the shoebox as I went back into the house once more. I wasn’t planning on leaving it in the box, but I did want to distract the mama long enough to put some mesh at the new spot it was working on. When finished, I went back out to the shoebox, dumped its contents over the fence, and watched the mama chase off after it.

Round 6

She returned later in the afternoon, but each time, I was outside working on the garden. For a brief period, she jumped from the roof to the tree in the front yard and back again (the overhanging branches made that a little too easy, so I made a mental note to take care of it soon). She was clearly frustrated at my presence as much as I was frustrated at hers. The more she chirped, the more I stared her down (like I said: this whole thing definitely peeled back the sanity a little).

Then, it looked a few short hops down the tree, looked at me again, and chirped. And then did it twice more, coming further down to the base of the tree each time… ultimately stopping at the bottom, just a few feet from me. As it made its way down, I noticed that along its backside, near the tail, it has a small, craggy scar where a patch of fur didn’t grow back.

My immediate thought: Oh, crap… am I about to have to fight off a prison squirrel?

Of course, when you’re in this situation, backing down would make me immediately lose this battle. I simply knew that it meant the same pattern of hearing it trying to find a way in the attic again, doing a small amount of damage, chasing it off, and repeat. But I was done. I wanted this over with.

My response? I looked straight at the bushy-tailed rat, threw my arms up, and in all seriousness, shouted: “You wanna GO? Let’s GO.

There I am, standing on my front lawn, getting ready to throw down with a squirrel that has obviously seen some shit. To any possible neighbors, who curiously weren’t outside watching at this point, I am pretty sure I looked like a total psychopath arguing with a tree (the squirrel would not have been visible from their vantage point, so I’m sure I would have looked even crazier arguing with air).

I started briefly thinking about what I might do if the squirrel did, in fact, lunge at me. I had nothing in my hands, but I didn’t want to break eye contact to look around for a stick. I was in a staring contest with a damn squirrel, for God’s sake. Sanity had gone out the window. And I wasn’t about to lose.

Then, just as quickly as it all happened, the squirrel apparently decided that I looked a lot bigger than I did when it was up in the tree. It ran back up, jumped from the tree limb to the roof line, and scampered off (chirping something along the lines of “You’re not worth it!”, I’m sure).

And that was that. Dad brought over his pole saw about a week later. Together, we removed some of the closer branches that came closer to the roof, thus eliminating some of its ease of getting to the attic area from the front yard. I still have to repair the cosmetic damage on the exterior, but the mesh will prevent anything from using those spots again anytime soon. The squirrel and its babies have not returned, thus paving the way for the return of the woodpeckers trying out their own brand of annoying on the house.

Dammit.

UPDATE: Here’s what happened next.

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62 Comments

  1. when the asshole was sitting in the tree screaming at you I wanted to get the slingshot and a marble, I hate when the little effers talk back, gotta pop em when they damage your property
    glad you got them all out

  2. This post couldn’t have come on a stranger day!! At lunch today, my dog brought a half dead squirrel into the house to show off. He was proud, we were not amused. Then, this afternoon, a squirrel comes running across the street and THUD, Mr.Squirrel #2 is a goner. As my husband said, “today is not a good day to be a squirrel.”

  3. O. M. G. That is the funniest shit I’ve read in a while.
    As dumb as you felt though, breaking eye contact in the animal world usually means you are submitting. So it might not have been just a crazy show. Really who cares as long as she left.
    Have a glass of wine now. You deserve it!

  4. Ha! I loved this story. I had a squirrel saga of my own in my old townhouse that had apparently grown out of control before I was informed, thanks to some super-meh renters who occupied the top floor unit (they were the only ones who could hear the incessant scratching and scampering at night). I totally feel your pain. Congrats on evicting them!

  5. You exhibited far more compassion than I would lol. Way too many squirrels at my place. Fortunately plenty of trees to live in and they learned quickly to avoid the low powered bb pistol. Now they stick to eating all the bird food … they manage to get IN the feeder. For entertainment I grease the pole the feeder is on with old crisco and then watch them unsuccessfully try to climb it- named them Dumb, Dumber and Dumbest ☺

    1. I heard that mixing cayenne into the seed is a deterrent as well. Doesn’t harm birds but squirrels hate it.

  6. You are my hero. MY. HERO.

    I bought my first house 2 years ago not knowing there was a squirrel infestation, not just in my attic (flying squirrels) but in my crawl space and walls (grey squirrels). I paid a professional $3,000 to trap/relocate them, bio-clean the several years worth of nesting and droppings from anywhere they could access and prevent re-entry. Within 2 weeks, they were back.

    Worst part? Squirrel guy refused to accept that they were back and after trying several ways of addressing the issue with him, I was out the money and the squirrels have been here ever since.

    They’re impossible to get rid of. Be vigilant!

    But for now, I bow down to you!

    *disclaimer: I love squirrels dearly. DEARLY. I just don’t want them in my house!

    1. Well, bug bombs are about $9 for 3, so maybe try that as a new solution? Even if you had to do it every month, that would save you a lot more dough than hiring that guy again!

  7. Holy crap! What you’ve been through yet emerged victorious in the end. I’m sitting here at my work cubical reading and by the 4th paragraph from the end I was tearing up in silent laughter trying not to draw attention to myself. Thank you so much for sharing your frustration for our entertainment.

  8. I was worried for you at certain points, but I also realized I’m so proud of you! (Even though I know you only from your blog.) I would never have the gumption to stare down a squirrel, or even crawl through to the tiny end of an attic.

    1. I wouldn’t either,especially one that had babies. They have extremely sharp teeth. You are brave Sarah. And I thought Kit had issues with those bats! This would be worse.

  9. “…might very well get my ass handed to me by a rodent…” You absolutely killed me with that one. Reminded me of a ex co-worker who was charged by a raccoon and fell through the ceiling, landing on a side table, with an avalanche of broken drywall, insulation, and hand tools, beside the little old lady homeowner as she sat on her couch. Attic work can be scary work. Well done.

  10. So proud of you for not falling through the ceiling! We had attic bird squatters and I did fall through the ceiling after setting off a bug bomb. Ripped my pants too and the husband nearly peed his pants laughing at me. Instead of asshole squirrels, we have asshole neighbors in the form of drug dealing tweakers. Selling our ugly duckling is shaving years off my life. I’d welcome squirrel squatters if it meant people halfway decent next door.

    1. So sorry to hear about your crappy neighbors… getting rid of humans is far more complicated. ;)

  11. Hi Sarah,

    If they don’t pay the mortgage (or in Charlie’s case, love and adore you!) they don’t get to live there. I had a ground hog/wood chuck? that took up residence under my garage and patio. After the bug guy took him away after being caught in the “have a heart trap” with a last meal of cantaloupe, he came back. A vet farmer told me how to get rid of him for good…. It wasn’t in me to do what was suggested. So I happened on the ammonia solution, but it dissipated too quickly outside.
    I found the the ammonia trick is longer lasting if you dampen a rag with oil and then add the ammonia. The aroma will last longer. I put it in an old plastic pie tray that was heading for the recycle bin. I found it pushed out of the way. Good, but not good enough.

    So I found an old hand towel, added the mixture, and when I was sure he wasn’t home, I threw the rag in the hole and back filled. He dug it out once, left, I repeated the backfill and I haven’t seen him since.

    I’d love to know what to do with the woodpecker! I put up a laminated colored picture of a red hawk. That worked for a while. I sprayed the holes and surrounding area with the ammonia with a bit of dishwashing liquid to make it last longer. I didn’t want the oil on the side of the house and figured a hosing or good rain storm would take care of the clean up. It seems to have worked …. Bottle at the ready. If I could get the smoker in the hole that might help. But the carpenter who repaired the holes with new shingles said the under bit looked good. and the bug guy told me it wasn’t bugs. Who knows… Oh to have e-ray vision! I’ll keep watch to see if you find a solution to the interrupted nap thief!

    Kind regards,
    Marilyn

    1. I hadn’t thought about the oil and ammonia combo… good to know! I’ll definitely keep you updated on the woodpecker situation. As soon as I find a solution, I’ll post all about it. I’ve actually sprayed at one spot with some bath cleaner (it was the only thing near the front door after a recent grocery trip), and that sent the birds to an entirely new spot of siding… so who knows, maybe there’s a secret there!

  12. “Oh, crap… am I about to have to fight off a prison squirrel?”

    I’m CRYING.

    Thank you for the retelling of this story and congrats on evicting the little bastards.

    1. Haha, so glad you enjoyed it. I had a good time writing it all down. Reminds me of the very first night in the house, when I heard two cats fighting in my front bushes. I just stared at the ceiling and wondered what I’d gotten myself into. If I only knew then… ha!

  13. This is great – you had me rolling! And as I’ve always said, squirrels are just rats with better marketing!

  14. SQUIRRELS ARE ASSHOLES. I’ve never had to deal with an invasion like that, but we currently have one that runs around in the trees in our yard and TORMENTS my dog. It runs across the top of the fence, waits until my dog sees her and tries to jump up the fence, then scampers up into the tree and sits and stares down at my poor pup. I swear it’s taunting her saying “haha you can’t get me up here!” So I have go out and throw pebbles at it (totally like a normal person) until it retreats to the neighbor’s yard. Jerk.

    1. I think I’m going to make a t-shirt with that phrase on it. So that everyone knows that they’re assholes. I’ve heard that sprinkling a little cayenne pepper might keep them off the fence (or something slippery, like a PVC pole that spins), but they’re super talented climbers, so I don’t know that anything would keep them away indefinitely.

  15. You are now officially a Squirrel Whisperer!!!! This was a terrific story and had me laughing away. I haven’t had any squirrel problems, but I can tell you the amonia soaked cloth works on Skunks, their children, grand children and great grandchildren. And YES i also got one of those quotes from a wild animal dude. $300.00 to look, $100.00 for each Have a heart trap they put under our enclosed porch and another $100.00 for every one of those striped kitty’s they removed?????????????? Seriously, Since they sprayed every time my 3 dogs barked (not to mention the dogs were barking at the freaking skunks digging around under the porch) I figured I’d just stick a BB gun under and shoot and pray. Instead I did “alternate” kind hearted research on how to nicely ask them to leave, and Amonia was one of the ways. I bought 10 pounds of rags, 4 gallons of amonia and went to town. They left :-) and we boarded up ever single tiny hole we could find.

    I give you credit, you really hung in and stared down those big tailed rats. They’ll be telling stories for years to their furry family and friends about all their wins and how they almost made you lose your shit LOL

    1. I don’t envy you on the skunk issue, but I’m thrilled to know that ammonia isn’t their friend if I ever have an unwelcome visit! Darn fur monsters.

  16. Glad to hear that you were successful. At least when you were standing in the yard yelling at the squirrel you were wearing pants (unlike another blogger who shall remain nameless). :)

    Looking at the picture of your vent, it looks to me like it is chewed away from the inside. I’m thinking if that’s the case then maybe the squirrels became trapped in your attic when you had the siding repair work done and mamma squirrel had to chew away the vent so that she could get out to take care of her young. Possibly her original entry/exit point was somewhere in the bad siding that was repaired?

    I’m hoping for your and Charlie’s sanity that they remain gone.

    1. Ha! (to your pants reference… yes!) That’s an interesting theory about the hole, but there wasn’t much wood rot or repair work done around the attic area to have trapped them (until I did, oops!). I’d also never heard them anywhere in the attic before the week this story started (and it’s pretty hard to miss). It’s still entirely possible I suppose, but it also could have looked that way because when they chewed the second hole to get out, the mama made quite a lot of “improvements” to the hole once she was through. So it’s just as likely that she made her way in, then continued to scrape and make the hole bigger from the safety and shelter of the attic once inside.

  17. For the record, this post is why I just paid a guy several hundred dollars to set traps and cart away my asshole squirrel. Because Bill Murray in Caddyshack doesn’t look good on me.

    1. Haha! My squirrel hasn’t been back in weeks, but there’s always a new chance I’ll have to fight him off again down the road. Glad you got rid of yours quickly!

  18. I think I can safely say this is the most riveting squirrel-themed tale I’ve ever read. Congratulations on your victory! Although be wary as surely he’s still out there… plotting his revenge…

  19. Damn. That video with the chirping confirms that we do also have squirrels in the attic. I can’t hear them moving around but hear the chirping in the chimney at times and through the ceiling in various places throughout the house, mainly by the front door. Either way, this seems like such an ordeal to get them out! We have a large attic but only about a 10″x12″ area has boards down to walk on, it would be major creeping along the beams. Still, kind of glad it’s not mice.

    1. There’s always the option of calling a pro for help, but you can always try the DIY method first. Lots of luck evicting your unwelcome guests!

      1. how would you go about getting a professional to do this type of job, I am not having any success. Where to look, under pest control? I’d need somebody to get the squirrels out and close the entry points.

          1. Just look up pest control in your zip code. You’ll probably have lots of options to choose from. Good luck!

  20. A relative of mine came back from a holiday and thought her house had been broken into…it had, by a squirrel.
    She also had a squirrel in her toilet once, went in for a drink I guess, and didn’t have biceps to get out by itself.
    And once, she had a squirrel come down the chimney…lighting it’s own tail on fire, and then run around her house as though it’s tail was on fire.
    Lol, she tells these awful stories so well.

  21. There are squirrels in my apartment’s crawl space. My lease ends next month and I’m so happy to leave! One of them was found in my neighbor’s apartment. I’ll be avoiding fireplaces and trees at my next place.

  22. This was just what I needed to make me laugh about my situation instead of the complete insanity I have been feeling. We have two squirrels in our bedroom wall that have made their way through a hole right under our roof. Damn bastards. It has been war for ages. We had two diff people come price quote us. One was $1,800 and the other almost $5,000! I was like you are WAY too high to think this is how we are going to have this play out. So we bought these steel traps where everyone says “oh put peanut butter on them; squirrels love that”. Umm no. Not working. Bought a $200 ladder since our house is a two story brick monster and them some sheet metal. Waiting for the bastards to come out tmw morning, as they always do between 7-8 am, & hubby is going into work late because he will be up on that ladder covering that damn hole. I am ready to sledgehammer our bedroom wall and nab them or throw a smoke bomb in the hole and pray it doesn’t cause a fire in my wall????

    1. Haha! Yes, at least we can commiserate — you came to the right place for that! Good luck with evicting your pesky squatters.

  23. We have a sudden flea outbreak. Dogs have been treated with frontline and flea baths. House has been self-treated inside and out. Hired professional to treat house and yard. STILL HAVE FLEAS! I saw a squirrel disappear from the side of my house…I’m presuming into the attic, even though I have never heard them up there. I am suddenly convinced that is where the flea problem is originating. Makes sense…it’s the only area of the house we haven’t treated! Guess I’m about to wage my own war…or more accurately, my husband will. I don’t want him to kill them…they are just looking for a safe home and I can’t blame them. They don’t know any better. Isn’t it always something? Ugg! ????

    1. Those foggers sound like a pretty good solution to try, then. They get rid of fleas and they worked to evict my squirrel family long enough to close up their access points. Good luck!

  24. I think I slept two hours last night – at most. There was a squirrel under my bed I think. A few days ago I complained that someone had left the balcony door open (the balcony where a squirrel often jumps in to munch on my red flowers??). That same night I heard scratching underneath my bed but I wasn’t entirely sure if it was above or underneath plus I was tired. Last night or better yet, this very morning I heard the damn bugger and felt movement. I kept switching the light on and trying to find it but I have several shoe boxes and shoes where the animal can hide. I’m hoping it was just a dream but tonight when I get home (I left my bedroom door locked). I will catch this little sucker and find how it got in.

  25. Loved your story! I too am fighting with “something” living in our ceiling/walls! Two pest co declare its rats! Although im sure there are rats- because they are eating the poison and dying in walls! I’ve dealt with all the foul smells, maggots, flies, etc! Whatever else is living in my walls and ceiling – is too large to be caught in a rattrap or rat motel! This thing leaves evety morning and returns every eve! I have had 2 pest co that want to set out baits! Problem is- this thing sounds like goliah when it walks across ceiling and it carries off the traps! My son is coming to set up squirrel traps soon. I have closed off all openings but discovered new ones in back yesterday! A few months ago, we had professionals cut all tall trees in back! The tree tops are now level with the openings I discovered yesterday! This “thing” is driving me nuts! I personally believe its a squirrel or coon? Thank you for your read! Had to laugh!

    1. Glad you found it worth the read! And sorry that you’re having to deal with such pests. I hope your son and the pros are finally able to evict your critter (whatever it winds up being). But it definitely sounds like you might need to revisit the trees situation too, if possible – such as cutting them back a little bit more so that it’s not so easy for an animal to reach that part of your house? I’m planning on cutting a tree down from my front yard for the same reason… it creates a bridge to my roof line which of course makes is far easier for squirrels to climb over. Lots of luck getting rid of them!

  26. What kind of fogger did you use
    They are in a little room my brother built off of my house and there’s five of them mama and for babies and they’re driving me out of my mind if I can get all five out I can plug the hole with chicken wire and be done with it but they will not come out at once with enough time for me to do that I’m going insane

  27. Hi dear, it was a pleasure to read about this squirell’s eviction, I lough all the way . I have a similar situation now because is getting cold, and squirels are trying to get a good place to stay
    I used to have 4 abandoned cats all picked up one by one from around my house . I had no problem what so ever with field mice rats or squirels. But eventually my cats died one by one and my attic area is on top of my second floor bedroom. This year I got all my air conditioners and put in each floor (one on third floor).
    One morning I heard laud noises running around etc,,,,so I decide to go up on third fl to check. I open the door brusk making noise in the same time. And of course they run and tried to hide. I did not see anything but I knew they were there one or more….? The insulation on each wall is gone half way up and in the room with the air conditioner was a disaster: shredded papers, all kind of pieces from other stuff, shipping popcorn all over etc………I bet there was a squirell trapped there. I never see anything like this. So I clean the area but I am terrified for the other area where I heard the noise. I think I should try to use your Idea with the bomb, I thank you for your funny and useful story which completely help me figure out what I need to do. The only thing I need to know this bomb will affect some stuff and luggages with winter clothing which I have there in storage in two rooms used as attic rooms where I want to put the bomb. These rooms are adjacent to other rooms: a guest room! a bathroom and a studio for arts and crafts room on third fl. Also there is a small attic on top of these rooms where I never went up the ladder to look. 2 months ago I replaced the roof. I have NO Idea where this squirell got in from? I have also tree branches which I need to cut them on top of the roof.
    I enjoyed your funny story and I think you were brave to do it. Thank you very much for the info
    Mina

    1. Thanks for commenting, Mina! Glad I could help. I would recommend trying to find where the squirrel is getting in because even if you evict them, it would be temporary if you can’t shut them out. Also, for what it’s worth, I closed all the vents in my house so that the bug bomb wouldn’t come down into the house from the attic and followed all the instructions on the box (such as turning off the heat/AC when in use). Good luck with your critter eviction!

  28. Thank you again Sarah, I will try to use the Bug Bomb after the holiday. Sarah dear, have a wonderful ThanksGiving!

    PS. Sarah dear, I have a funny story with a little mouse after my cats died, I gave him cat food and a white chocolate after I found a regular small wrapped chocolate eaten a little underneath, so I decide to give a little white one. It disappear in a day and after 3 days it was back in the same place I left it. so funny I laugh but I gave more cat food which it seems that the little mouse like it. Of course eventualy I called the exterminator and got rid of him.
    Mina

    1. Ha, guess they don’t like white chocolate — I hate it too, so I guess now I have something in common with that mouse!

  29. This is hysterical !!!! I have been dealing with a squirrel problem for the last 2 weeks. We had to get a wild life trapper involved. Like you, it is directly over our bed, the thundering herd starts at 6:00 am. The trapper covered the holes they chewed with screen, and made like a screen funnel that if they came thru they would not be able to get back in……..well, they have now made new holes, they hang out and people watch, laughing and pointing at me.

    1. Oof, that’s so frustrating! Almost like you have to keep yourself from punching your OWN holes in the wall, ha! I hope you get rid of them soon!